Warning: Flirting Can Hurt

I read an article that last weekend in Birmingham, two men learned the hard way that nothing good happens after 2 a.m.

With closing time approaching and bellies full, the two buddies exit a bar and enter the night. Then, a gift from heaven. A couple of women approach them in the parking lot and get awfully flirty, according to police.

The men were probably thinking God loves them more than most. I can just picture it – they don't bat an eye when one of the women bats hers and suggests something like, "Hey, let's go make out behind that semi-tractor trailer!"

First rule: If a woman you don't know invites you to make out in the shadows of an 18-wheeler, you are on the verge of regretting something.

Ignoring Rule One, I imagine our heroes did what any red-blooded American male would do after a few drinks: hump the air as they follow the women to the love spot. A few saliva exchanges later, three men jump out of a nearby car to interrupt this mating dance.

Romeo No. 1 gets punched in the eye and loses his wallet. Romeo No. 2 gets stabbed in the face and head before his wallet leaves with the men. The women also leave with the attackers, no doubt laughing as they leave behind a trail of red blood and blue balls.

These women accomplished in five minutes what some former girlfriends took six months or more to do to others. It proves once again that there is no more powerful force in the human world than feminine charms.

Men do crazy things for women, including killing for them and allowing them access to high-limit credit cards. There is an old saying that man invented civilization to impress his girlfriend. I don't think that is true. I think that man invented civilization to impress Emmanuelle Chriqui.

Anyway. One day you might be lying on the pavement with your pants around your ankles and regret in your heart, listening to the screeching tires of a getaway vehicle. I hope at that time you think back to the advice that dear old B-Rad tried to give you on "The Pad".

Never trust a girl who is interested in you. She's either mistaking you for somebody else, or wanting to steal a kidney.