Quote of the Weekend

Nick Saban on the win again Tennessee Chattanooga:

“I told the players if we had lost this game today, there would be nothing else that would tarnish what you’ve accomplished more than that. You would someday be an NFL player in a Mercedes-Benz and roll your window down to talk to a pretty girl and she’d say, ‘You lost to Chattanooga when you played at Alabama,”’ Saban said. “Nobody would ever forget that one.”

Well put Saban. Well put.

Now Thats Funny

MY PLAN TO IMPROVE SESAME STREET...YOU HEARD ME

Sesame Street is celebrating its 40th anniversary this week.

I feel like a big bird walking out on a thin limb here, but I never really thought Sesame Street was that great. It just didn't do it for me as a kid. I liked Grover, and the wild way that Cookie Monster would consume confectionary, but mostly Sesame Street depressed me, especially when the puppets took a back seat to the humans.

First of all, Sesame Street, the actual street part, was run-down and badly in need of some gentrification (look it up). I wanted to see some more Volvos parked out there, and some cops harassing Oscar until he moved on to industrial areas of town.

If your address was on Sesame Street, chances are you were beaten down, disenfranchised and juggling bills. That made me too nervous. I wanted everyone to get jobs and develop coke habits, not hang around Hooper's Store like vagrants.

I was also eternally frustrated that no one other than Big Bird could see Snuffleupagus. I prayed for the day that Big Bird would dart Snuffleupagus, then hold a King Kong-like unveiling to show the world this incredible creature. But I guess Big Bird was too busy with his leg disease, or whatever caused those rings to form around his thighs.

I recently saw some late '70s episodes of Sesame Street, and I gotta tell you, that period of time ought to be called "the era when everyone looked like they needed to shower." There was no manscaping (look it up) going on back then. Trust me, there was a bigger bird's nest in David's pants than in Big Bird's tree.

I know some people praise Sesame Street for its realism, but I don't want realism in my children's entertainment. I'm tuning in for puppets and stuff. I don't want to learn how to deal with my emotions. I want to laugh at bits of cookie flying all over the screen.

But I guess Sesame Street paved the way for other children's entertainment, and for that I'm thankful. The lucky kids of today have entire channels dedicated to keeping them entertained, and that is amazing to a guy who had to wait for Saturday morning to see a cartoon.

My five-point plan for revitalizing Sesame Street:

1. Offer tax incentives to lure luxury condo builders.

2. Force Oscar into a shelter.

3. Close all liquor stores and check-cashing places.

4. Open a Bed, Bath and Beyond.

5. Hire Spongebob.

Random Thoughts

--This HUGE Bull was at the fair. Had to get a picture.
--The best headline for the balloon boy story that I saw was: "Con Air."
--Dumb question: How did a country as unstable as Pakistan ever get The Bomb?
--Luckiest man alive?
--I just heard what I thought was a dog collar jingle in my office. Turns out it was just jewelry.
--You may be thinking Halloween but Im thinking Christmas.
--Did you know that you could get caskets at Wal-Mart?
--Not many people notice when it's Friday the 13th (As 90% of you reading this realize it is Friday the 13th.) Does that make one person?
--If I ever committed a heroic act (very doubtful), and I was to be interviewed on TV, one of the conditions would be that the word "Hero" not appear on any on-screen graphic. I've been seeing that a lot lately.
--Everyone on the radio was talking about the Oprah show yesterday where a disfigured-monkey-attacked-lady made an appearance. You know, I have no desire to see her face. What's wrong with me?
--I had two back to back dreams: (1) I ate dinner on a yacht, which I owned, surrounded by 50+ empty tables but all decked out with lighted candles on each, and (2) I was on trial for an unknown criminal offense with the proceedings being held in Bayou La Batre under a pavilion that was flown in by helicopter every morning.
--Getting "unfriended" is a new social phenomenon.
--Texas Coach Mack Brown referred to playing Baylor this weekend as a "great challenge." Really? Maybe a great challenge not to score 70.
--It seems weird that you can wear sunglasses in those ESPN poker tournaments since having a "tell" is apparently a big deal. Why not wear a full mask?
--"Muslim" does not equal "bad person." That was for LaJJ.
--"Different from you" does not equal "bad person." Ditto.
--The Ft. Hood shooter ending up being alive was a shocking development, but Sean Hannity on Fox News read the bulletin like he was reading his grocery list.
--You knew the Redneck Panic Meter would go off the chart once it was learned that the shooter's name didn't sound 'merican.
--Weird pet peeve: Someone saying something so outrageous that it is obviously a joke but then feeling the need to follow it up with "just kidding."
--The Yankees win the world series with nine players who make over $10 million a year and a total payroll over $200 million. And this is supposed to be a competitive sport? You baseball fans are crazy.
--I swear I heard a young girl talking on a cell phone (loudly) at Meyers Market this morning say the following in a gleeful manner: "I feel so sorry for your mom. You're sixteen and you drink, smoke, and have sex. I mean even if your parents let you, they shouldn't know that you do that."
--Going to the mailbox really isn't any fun anymore.
--Afghanistan is about to turn into a cluster. And the top general wants us to send in 40,000 more troops? Man, this is really beginning to sound like Vietnam.
--I'm still not sure why we send up the Space Shuttle.
--Did I see promos for a George Lopez talk show? Power. Down.
--Funny sign in the stands at the recent Boise state versus La Tech game: "Boise Is Not A State. We Checked."
--I would never initiate a standing ovation.
--But I never have the guts to not stand during a standing ovation.
--Literally vs. Figuratively bugs me. When someone says, "He literally took that guy's head off" he really means, "He figuratively took that guy's head off."
--I think the man in the background could be a Blog reader.
--When he was elected, we couldn't find Dick Cheney. Now he won't shut up.
--Tired of hearing about the Swine Flu shot or lack thereof.
--I still think it's silly when I hear a white guy talking about an album "dropping" on a certain date.

It's The 4th Quarter Peeps!

So, I was watching the replay of the Bama/LSU game yesterday and I noticed something strange going into the 4th Quarter. I thought to myself "I can't be the only one that noticed this". So, I googled and found the photo I was lookign for.

This guy puts the 4 in 4th quarter! He should just thank his lucky stars though that no sport has 5 quarters or he’d be in a crapload of trouble. But give him his due. He was born for the 4th.

Happy Halloween...Raise Your Hand If This Scared The Crap Out of You

My hands in the air. Hey, im not proud of it but I jumped a good mile in the air.

The Inverted Pyramid of Experience

What is life, other than attempting to impress your high school friends years after they have ceased to care?

Just the other day I heard someone talk non-stop about how they were sooooo not looking forward to their high-school reunion and, scared I might add. The old cliché is that you want to enter your high school reunion with money, recognition and a full head of hair, but to play into that hand is to play into the hand that made high school miserable in the first place.

Caring what others think about you is a special kind of hell.

Why do so many people subconsciously dedicate their lives trying to please old ghosts?

I have a theory. Call it BOG's Inverted Pyramid of Experience©. It goes like this: Imagine you have an upside-down pyramid balancing on your forehead. This pyramid holds all of your experiences. Your earliest experiences are on the pointy bottom, and your most recent experiences are on the broad base high above your head. Your first Halloween carnival, your first love, your first heartbreak – all of that is toward the bottom. What you had for lunch is on top.

You obviously have a huge pyramid if you've lived a long life, but all of your later experiences are experienced through the filter of those earlier ones. That is why our early experiences matter most in how we interpret the world.

My grandmother, who lived through the Depression, freezes leftovers she will never eat. The abject wordless fear I felt walking into first grade still haunts me every time I enter a school or climb on a stage for a Nutcracker performance. Damn. Even as I write this, that emotion is as fresh as rain.

So the Inverted Pyramid of Experience is why our high school associations can hold such sway. I know some people look back on their high school or college days with a wistful eye. Don't. Life is Now and always has been. That's a quote by either me, Buddha or Ferris Bueller. Take your pick.

Fortunately, high school reunions are not what they used to be. Facebook has made the school reunion somewhat irrelevant. Most everyone worth catching up with has been thoroughly stalked and chatted with online. The high school reunion is nothing more than the fact-checking of Internet pictures.

But If my 20-year (you heard me) reunion takes place in two years time I will be there, head held high, not for anything I have accomplished, but because I learned that ultimately we are all in the same boat, struggling to live meaningful lives against long odds, even if we once rowed against each other.

That realization is my greatest accomplishment.

P.S. Yep, I copyrighted the BOG's Inverted Pyramid of Experience©. .....just wait for the book.

Okay, So This Is Funny....

but also another childish move. Hey, maybe the recruits love it. Lane does!

Crazy, Man. Crazy

I was just going to watch a second of this, and then got sucked in. It almost looks like a Steve Martin bit -- if it weren't so shockingly sad.