As I visited with my young nephews and nieces over last weekend our conversation turned to "the in things" at school or trends as we say. It made me think and remember a trend from my days as a whippersnapper. Oh, and the 'broke back' memory didn't hurt either -- you will see. Read and enjoy:
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When I was in junior high, it was very important how you carried your books. In seventh grade, every hip student had to carry his books in an athletic bag. Not a backpack, not a messenger bag and, for the love of Ward Cleaver, not a briefcase.
It was also tragically unhip to use one's locker, so everyone carried every book in an athletic bag. Mine weighed about as much as a Mini Cooper.
Then, overnight, every cool kid switched to NO BAG. Unfortunately, I was left off that Twitter feed. So I showed up to school one day, books bulging out of an athletic bag, and saw other kids walking around with books stacked under their arms. They looked silly with their arms bowed out like a Mr. T showing his muscles, but it was the new way. I quickly adapted by ditching my bag near the band hall.
After NO BAG came THE BACKPACK, but you could only wear it – and this is important – over one shoulder. Two shoulders, and you were crossed off the lists for heaven and Middle School Prom.
I only knew after half a day that if you wore it over two shoulders it meant that you were gay! That was the way you announced it in those days. No tearful confession to parents followed by nervous admissions to friends. All you did back then was wear a backpack over both shoulders. The no-locker rule was still in effect, so the 70 pounds of books would routinely snap a clavicle.
Then, one day I went to school and noticed that everyone was gay. Yes, they were all wearing their backpacks over both shoulders. I saw my opportunity to pounce, and began establishing my social dominance. "Ha, ha! You're totally gay, dude. And you, too! And you, too. And ..."
A quick survey revealed everyone two-shouldering it. Suddenly, I had that startling, heart-pounding epiphany we all have at some point: "One shoulder is now gay."
And so it goes.
And, as I found out this past weekend, it is still like that. The shifting sands of adolescent coolness are a weak foundation on which to build your self-image. But really, what choice do we have?
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2 comments:
I have a room of 4 people rolling on the floor at this post. I really think you should be a pro blogger. I am so glad I am not the only one who (still to this day) will not double strap my bookbag. When I was in school...only Chinese and Geeks double strapped. Every college student today double straps....Homos. I do remember the athletic bag. We had the red ones with the white straps. They had the school logo on the side.
I hate to burst your bubble, but I have seen the author walking to school, I mean work, and he's double strapping. Oh he says it's his heavy math book, I mean marketing promos, but the other day I could have sworn I saw a sand pail in there.
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